I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry about my life...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
