Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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