i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
