I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
