TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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