Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
