i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
