Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
