things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
