Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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