Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
