I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
