Do vagina's smell?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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