I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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