I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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