What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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