oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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