OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your cock deserves a montage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
