That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dick very happy bro
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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