you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
