I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
