Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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