I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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