seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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