That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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