oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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