This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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