i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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