Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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