this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
