if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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