i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
