She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
