ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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