Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
