i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
