You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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