This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
