couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
