That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
