Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
