Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
