6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This house was built for laser tag.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
