i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
