So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
