I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
