I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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