You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
