So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
