you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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