So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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