He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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