Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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