i just had sex bonerless
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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