I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there's paper in my vomit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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