Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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