That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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