so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
