Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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