Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
