So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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