in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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