We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
